One of the qualities of the Enneagram 2 that I relate with A LOT is the ability to love and serve in such a measure that just doesn’t really stop. If y’all haven’t checked out Sleeping At Last’s Enneagram based songs, you need to because they are all pretty awesome, but I feel the “Two” lyrics deep. Although, it is describing a little bit of the unhealthy side of the enneagram (loving and sacrificing for someone to the point that you’re hurting yourself), something I can definitely be guilty of if I don’t keep myself in check, but it displays pretty well what lengths 2s will often go to take care of the people they love. So, I thought I’d share one of my “2” struggles in hopes of helping you navigate friendships and how they can honor God, your friends and yourself when you have this kind of love to give!
So, I’ve always been a friend for life type of person. Some people can so easily let people come in and out of their lives, but if we become close friends, I’m gonna stick around through all the ups and downs of life. In turn, I’m not the best at letting friendships go. Sometimes it’s pretty clear that God is like, let them go, like HELLO – they haven’t talked to you in weeks, asked you how you truly are in months and they’re never getting back to your invites to hangout. Still, the second they need something…I’m there. Maybe it’s a classic Enneagram 2 problem haha, but I can keep coming to people’s requests for a looonnnggg time because I truly like to show-up for people.
Through prayer I’ve gotten a lot better at discerning God’s voice on which friendships I should keep pursuing and which ones God has a different plan for. I’ve also been able to not think of my investments in their lives as a waste of time, but rather a deposit. Hopefully, I reflected God in some way during our friendship and He’ll use it as a seed of growth in their future. I can also appreciate all the deposits they made in my life and grow from them as well. I don’t have to see the disconnect or the lack of effort in hanging out as something personal.
It’s a work in progress – I still hang on a bit when I feel God asking me to focus elsewhere and I still can get disappointed w/friends to the point that I no longer treat them the way I want to be treated, but I treat them the way they treat me…and I do not like that version of myself.
A real low-point example is once I was so disheartened by my friend’s “selfishness” that when she asked to borrow a little bit of butter for a recipe, because she forgot to stop at the grocery store, I said no. I said I had just gotten a new butter and needed it, so she could only use it if she replaced the exact amount she used. After that friend replaced the exact 3 tablespoons she used, I frankly felt like an idiot. I love being generous (I have a give back business for Pete’s sake, hello hypocrite!), but because I was hurt and felt taken advantage of in our friendship, I changed my character. I was the one who became selfish and greedy. The Holy Spirit convicted me in that situation and called me to a higher purpose all at once. He taught me that I cannot let other’s actions and my feelings towards them direct my character. When God has called me to look like Him, it is my duty and honor to live Christ-like no matter how others treat me.
God also taught me that it’s okay to let go of friendships that no longer bear fruit. Some relationships are for a season, and although I tend to fight this with all my might, when I let God guide my relationships, I can trust that although I still love the person, God is preparing a way for both of us even if that takes us in different directions. Trust me, God fills every empty space of your heart so beautifully well. That is the reason I can be who God has called me to be. When I’m full in Christ I can give freely and be myself regardless of return, I can stop myself from becoming hella petty, and I can trust that God has those lifetime iron sharpens iron friendships in His plans for me. I don’t have to force it. I can just pray and trust Him.
What are some of your strengths and struggles with your Enneagram type? Any type 2s feel me on this?